Last night, I was in bed and I suddenly started thinking about feminism and politics and where I stand. I don’t know why. I was extremely tired and had had a long day but that doesn’t usually make me think about those things! It has been on my heart today so I’m blogging about it. Maybe part of it is that I am suddenly working in a very political arena. Granted, it isn’t directly in politics, but working in a government office — you would be hard pressed to escape it.

Last February Bill and Emily and I were chatting about things. About that time, Hilary Clinton announced that she was going to run for President. Maybe O’Bama did around that time as well. I made the comment that I was glad that Hilary Clinton was going to run. I qualified the statement by saying that I probably wouldn’t vote for her, but I was glad she was running. I just see nothing wrong with there being a woman president. Emily was a bit incensed. In the course of the discussion, she called me a feminist.

I recoiled at the comment. Within the next day or so, we got a huge snow storm. It was a visual representation of the cold between me and Emily.

I didn’t like being called a feminist. In my mind it stood for being pro-choice and an extremist of sorts. But over those following days, I thought about it. It still isn’t a term I would use to describe myself, but I recognized that in many ways I stand along a path and enjoy the fruit of women who in their day would have been labeled feminists. For example, the right to vote is huge. I’m sure Susan B. Anthony was labeled a feminist. I enjoy rights in the work force to equal pay for the same job. There are laws against sexual harassment and discrimination. (Not that I’m naive enough to think that those things never happen . . . )

I’ve been thinking about how things look when you compare one to another. Let’s say I have a blue paint. Next to navy it might look really light. Next to white, it might look really dark. Everything is on a continuum — even something like feminism. Next to Emily, I probably do look like a feminist: I believe in egalitarianism in marriage (a guy doesn’t get to make all the calls just because he is a guy) and that women can teach and preach and be a head pastor if they want to (It is dependent on calling and gifting not gender). (Yes, I’ve researched these things and come to my own conclusions.)

I likely won’t tell you who I have and haven’t voted for. That’s a choice I’ve made. Too often political discussion becomes antagonistic. I will tell you that I don’t believe in voting strict party lines. In some instances, a conservative democrat and a liberal republican look a whole lot  more alike than they do different. They don’t necessarily look much like their respective parties.

I also know that I sometimes unintentionally push people’s buttons. I’m pro-life but I also believe in a “just life.” I don’t believe in voting on just one issue. That has never made sense to me. A just life is where we care for the poor and the hungry, the widows and children. It’s the concept in the Old Testament where God had farmers leave the edges of their fields unharvested so that the poor could come and glean. (Ruth is the most well known example of this.)

I’ll admit that not voting a strict party line makes things hard to figure out when you are voting. Depending on where you go for information, it is likely slanted one way or the other. I have yet to find a purely neutral source. (If you know of one, please let me know!) But, I think it is what I am called to do. I want to be known as a thinker.

I still don’t believe I’m a feminist. But, I’ve come to understand that I would have been offended to be called a traditionalist as well. I’m not (i.e. my before mentioned stance on women in ministry). Still, I hold some traditional values on family and God. I even think that if I had the option, I might enjoy staying home and raising kids as opposed to a career. (But, it’s not an option at this point and I don’t think it is for everyone.)

My point is that we are all more or less something compared to someone else. Pigeon hole someone and you might lose sight of the depth and breadth of who they are as well as lose an opportunity to grow in really getting to know them.

So who am I?

Republican or Democrat — Neither

Conservative or Liberal — Neither. More than likely it depends on the issue and how much thought I’ve put into it.

Traditionalist or Progressive (not sure that is the right word) — Neither. I’m a thinker. I value things from both realms.

First and foremost, I am a follower of Christ. I try to honor Him in the decisions I make by using my faculties, my heart, and while listening to the Spirit. In some ways, that is all any of us can do.

Well, since I haven’t felt well much of the day, I spent part of it reading a book I picked up the other day. It’s called Family Tree by Barbara Delinsky. It’s about this very caucasian couple who end up mysteriously having a mixed race baby and the reactions they have and get from friends and family. The book makes it clear that there was no in vitro so no mess ups in the lab. The conclusion is that one or both have some African American ancestors. The father knows his lineage back to the Mayflower (or maybe his family just thinks it does). There is more of a question with Dana, the mom.

Anyway, it’s just interesting how everyone reacts. So far, it has been a good read. Will both or one or the other love the baby less because she doesn’t look like them? How important is it to uncover their roots?

It really, in some ways, goes back to the question of what makes us who we are? How important are genes? Is it nature or nurture?

My paternal grandfather had an interest in genealogy. I’ve looked into it too. I enjoyed hearing family stories when I was younger. We can trace our lineage back to England. Robert Brooke migrated here and was the first British Governor of Baltimore. Someone else was George Washington’s God Father. But on the more infamous side, Roger Brooke Tawney was the Supreme Court Justice who wrote part of the Dred Scott Decision before the Civil War. He wrote, “The black man has no rights which the white man is bound to uphold.” So there are fun things and not so fun things you learn about when you trace your history . . . .

I really only know one side of my family tree and it definitely shows the patriarchal view. I know very little about each of the wives who married into the family. So, there is a whole portion of things unaccounted for. I don’t know much about my mom’s side of the family either.

Have you ever done a spiritual family tree? I became a Christian through the youth group at Monfort Heights United Methodist Church. How about you? Who are you spiritually “descended” from?

I think I know the reason for yesterday’s funk. I think I had a bit of a fever late last night. (My thermometer needs a new battery or something, so I don’t know for sure.) But I did the hot and then cold thing all night and I just felt lowsy when the alarm went off at 5:00 AM to get me up. My stomach was in knotts. So, I called in sick. I really hate doing that. Anyway, I’m laying low today. I have managed a bit of toast and will hopefully be feeling better later. Right now, I am going back to bed and snuggle with the cat.

Have good days all.

I’ve woken up in a bit of a funk. My mood is low and I just really want to stay in bed — which I can do for a little bit longer. I’m off from one of my jobs due to Veterans Day. But I have a meeting for another one of my jobs at 10:00. (It’s 8:12 right now.)

But I feel like staying in bed ALL day. And I feel like crying even though there is no big reason to feel that way.

I hate it when I wake up this way. I need to probably turn off the computer and delve into some scripture . . . .

If you have a favorite scripture, please leave it for me today!

I was looking at old pictures today and came across this one of my twin and me at the beach in Florida back in 1976. Wow, that was a long time ago. It got me to thinking about the nature of memories and how much we often forget. Memories, like pictures, often fade with time and age. The things we promise never to forget, get lost amist all of the new things that we have to remember and assimilate. Often, unless there is a really strong trigger, we don’t pull it up those old memories.

Take this trip for instance. I know we went for about a week. I remember two things. First, we went to Disneyland and rode on Space Mountain. We screamed the first part of it and then went quiet. My dad was in another seat with my younger sister. He thought maybe we had fallen out! Second, while playing in the water, my sister found a turtle egg. That’s about it. I don’t even remember posing for this picture.

Isn’t it interesting the things we do remember? Often times they are the traumatic things like falling down a flight of stairs when I was about two and a half or three. Or it’s the grudges. We remember all the wrongs that people did to us. I remember in the 6th grade this boy, Chris, taunting my sister and me as “Clone Women.” He was probably accurate to a degree given that we are twins, but it wasn’t very nice. I also didn’t know what a clone was. I thought he was talking about something in a science fiction movie I had seen.

It’s just interesting how the bad things often take precedence over the good things. I suppose it says a lot about what we focus on as a culture. The more horrible the more we fixate on it. What would happen if I chose everyday to focus on a positive memory or thought? What if you did too? How long would it take to change our pessimistic national psyche?

My prayer that God helps me let the negative memories fade and replaces them with positive ones.

 Recently, some friends of mine had to put their dog down. It was one of those gut wrenching decisions that no one wants to have to make. They had had Buddy for years. He was a good dog and clearly loved his family. I’ve been out to their house a couple of times since. It is so quiet walking up to the house when there use to be frenzied barking. I’ve found that I miss him as well.

I’ve often heard that animals do not have souls. I’m not sure where that comes from. I think that some people have even said that it is in the Bible. Is it really? I’ve read the Bible through several times and I don’t remember it even addressing it. But I could be wrong . . . .

I know that some native American religions believe that animals had spirits. I remember reading that after killing a deer or other animal for food, they would say a prayer and thank that animals spirit for giving its life so they could eat.

I’m not proposing that we pray to animals. I don’t believe in praying to anyone but God. But, are Christians the only ones who don’t believe that animals have souls? If so, why do we believe that?

I then wondered what the definition of soul was. I got on to Wikipedia and found the following:

The soul, according to many religious myths and philosophical traditions, is the self-aware essence unique to a particular living being. In these traditions the soul is thought to incorporate the inner essence of each living being, and to be the true basis for sapience. It is believed in many cultures and religions that the soul is the unification of one’s sense of identity. Souls are usually considered to be immortal and to exist prior to incarnation.

The concept of the soul has strong links with notions of an afterlife, but opinions may vary wildly, even within a given religion, as to what may happen to the soul after the death of the body. Many within these religions and philosophies see the soul as immaterial, while others consider it to possibly have a material component, and some have even tried to establish the weight of the soul.

I think the key words here are self-awareness and sapience. (I admit to having to look sapience up! It is usually defined as wisdom since it is the ability to act with judgement.)

I think many people would say that self-awareness and sapience (word for the day ) is what sets us apart from animals. By that definition, I suppose they may be right. But my question is how do we know? How do I know what the awareness level of Katy (my cat) is? She is extremely aware of her surroundings. Some might argue that this is pure instinct and self preservation. Maybe. But she seems to make choices:

• She greets me at the door. This has nothing to do with self-preservation as there is usually plenty of food in her bowl. She is unusual in this way from most cats. She is either watching for me at the window or comes all the way down from upstairs when she hears me.
• She chooses to whom she will bestow her presence. Often, if she doesn’t know someone she will stay hidden while they are here. But then there are those occasions when she decides differently and she actually initiates (usually to their delight) contact with them.
• She lets me know if I pick her up and she would rather be down!

Granted, there are lots of things she doesn’t have a choice about — food, etc. She is a cat without a credit card! But to the extent of her small world (the breadth of my home), I think she makes choices. Granted, they are not the larger choices I make, but don’t they still count as choices?

Sapience. Hmm. I’m not sure how to make a determination on that one. It seems to be connected with reasoning ability. Again, some would say this is where animals differ, that they always act on instinct here. But how do we know that? I would say that the biggest instinct for animals is self-preservation. You do what you can to stay alive. It insures the continuation of the species. But don’t humans act in the same way? At a base level, we act for self-preservation. This may be in the office situation at work. You do what you can not to get fired. Or it may be in a life threatening situation like a fire. We run away from a fire and not to it.

Maslow was a psychologist. He came up with a pyramid. It’s called Maslow’s Hierarhy of Needs. At the lowest level is the need for safety. At the highest level is self-acualization. You can only move up on the pyramid as the lower needs are met. If you aren’t safe, you will not be concerned about higher order things.

Yes, there are points where we transcend our instincts. The mother risks her own life to save that of her children. Or a stranger jumps in front of a moving vehicle to push someone out of the way. Or the mom who is broke feeds her children rather than herself. It shows an ability to live above our instincts.

Do animals ever do this? I don’t know if anyone knows for sure. But I think we have all heard stories of pet heroes. Do they do it to the same degree that we do? I’m unsure.

I suppose I haven’t answered the initial question. I think the answer is that we really do not know the degree of sapience of animals. We do not know the degree of self-awareness.

The crux of the matter, I suppose, is the thought that if animals do not have souls then they cannot go to heaven. I am all about truth. It is not relative. If it were, then there is not a thing that can be called a truth. The Bible teaches us that there is truth and there is one true God. But there are things that honest Christians can disagree about. (Sprinkle or dunk? The vital issue is belief and faith in God. That is what saves.) These things we may want to write in pencil. Who Jesus is and that he died for my sins — that one gets written in permanent ink! It gets etched in my heart.

I suppose I just don’t see the harm in believing that my Katy has a soul. I’d like to think that some of our favorite things are in heaven. She would be one of mine. (I am glad she is still here with me!)

But there is always the possibility that I am wrong on that. And the possibility (probablity) that I will be so busy glorifying God and reveling in him when I get to heaven that all earthly things will fade away . . . .

Sapience. One last thought. Jesus showed the ultimate transcendence of the idea of self-preservation. He walked knowingly to the cross over the course of his life. He counted the cost each step of the way and decided that I was worth it.

More than sapience — that is love.

Do you dawdle? (I think that is a real word. Anyway, I’m using it to mean take longer than you need to on a task.) I’ve decided that I am not a person who dawdles. In fact, it takes too much energy to dawdle and look busy at the same time and it is just plain boring!

Molly and I are still working on the microfilm task at work. But at one point, we had some data we had to verify in the computer. We were thrilled because it was a reason to stop scanning the microfilm for bad images. (We’ve decided that the biggest problem with this task is the minuscule amount of brain it requires. There is plenty of time to be bored!) Anyway, we split the stack that was ready to be verified and each agreed that it was probably in our best interest to go slow.

Neither of us managed it. We completed the task in an hour and a half and finished our individual stacks within 5 minutes of each other.

But it feels like other people in the office dawdle all the time. Part of it is that I think they are way too attached to their individual task. Molly and I have been receiving a lot of cross-training (when we aren’t viewing microfilm ). There is one person in particular that I am tempted to swoop in and take some things off her hands. But I don’t think it would go well . . . .

The thing is, when we were way behind she was doing 1.5-2 units a day. Today she got 3/4 of the way through one. She was dawdling. Since the microfilm machine is right next to her, I was very aware of it. That and if she hadn’t been dawdling there would have been other things for Molly and I to do!

Dawdling. In my mind, it means you are not working to your full capacity.

However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stop and smell the roses. We all need to do that! It’s just my good old protestant work ethic. Work hard. Work well.

And when you do stop to smell the roses, you can stop and enjoy them guilt free. That makes them even sweeter. Happily, I get to do a little relaxing tomorrow!

A few years ago I decided to take horseback riding lessons. I had never really been on a horse, but I quickly found that I loved it. I loved the relationship I had with the horse. I loved the things I learned about myself and life in general. Here are some things I’ve been thinking about recently as I’ve reflected on my riding experience.

• Horses are very in tune with your emotions and their surroundings. If I was tense, Eddie was tense. If I could relax, things went so much better. The same is true in life. If I approach things tense and uptight, it makes those around me tense and uptight.
• Sometimes horses are too in tune with their surroundings. When under stress, they are built for “flight” if they have a choice between fighting or flight. They are also very skittish because they are so in tune with their environment. They sometimes see or sense threats where there are none. (Granted, it held up well in the wild for survival.) When my sensitivity radar is too high, I also become skittish and over react. I think most people are like that.
• Look where you are going! After taking lessons for about 8 months, I started learning how to jump fences. They were little tiny fences at first. Eddie could easily step over them. I found it frustrating when we would come to one and he would stop! I learned that he was actually listening to my body language for clues as to where we were going next. To get him to go over the fence, I needed to look over and past the fence. I am someone who often looks at life’s difficulties. When I do, sometimes I end up coming to a dead stop — just like Eddie. I need to look past life’s difficulties to where I am going.
• I know it is an old saying — but ALWAYS get back on when you fall off. The longer you wait to get on, the harder it is. You may be shaking but at least get back in the saddle and walk that horse. Again, it is the same with life. What ever it is that caused you to fall off — get back on. Try again or the fear will get the best of you.
• Always bring carrots and bring enough to share. I always took carrots with me. All the horses knew me. Eddie, since he did the work, received the lions share, but the horses in the stalls around got a treat or two as well. Sometimes we wait for someone else to reward us. Maybe they will and maybe they won’t. It’s good to know how to reward ourselves whether with a piece of chocolate or a warm bath or a good book. If there are others around, invite them to share with you. Celebrating a job well done is always more fun with someone else.
• Practice as much as you can. I entered some local shows even though the 10-year-olds could ride circles around me. I rode once a week. They rode almost every day, so there was a big difference in what they learned and could apply. Still, I rode as often as a could and made a point of going out to the barn and watching other’s lessons. It’s amazing what you can learn from watching others. There are two lessons here. First, watch around you and learn from them. If you want to grow in Christ, be in deep relationship with other Christians. Watch them “train” and then apply what you learn. Second, study scripture, be in studies, and pray as often as you can. I can use the cost in excusing the once a week riding. I can’t use it when it comes to my daily time with God!
• It’s healthy and fun to learn something you have never tried before!

Hey all.

Just thought I would pass this along. It is from Natalia-help@xanga.com

I asked the question about stars and featured weblogs. Here is the answer:

Hi,

Starring is a way for other users (and you!) to show your appreciation for a
Xanga post. A post with a high star rating will show up on the “starred”
section of the weblogs section
(http://weblog.xanga.com/webloghome.aspx?t=st&tm=day).

You can give stars per Xanga post – under each post, next to your eProps and
number of comments, there’s a section that says “stars”. You can choose 1-5
and rate a friend’s blog, and friends can do the same for you – that’s how
you can get stars of your own.

Featured content is chosen by the Xanga Team! John and I go through posts
each day and pick out ones that we think are interesting, well-written and
thought provoking. The only real caveats is that posts can’t be on a Xanga
Locked or Friends Locked site – that’s it! If you know of any blogs that
should be featured – maybe even your own – please let me know. I’m always on
the hunt for interesting content.

Hope that clears things up; please feel free to contact me with any further
questions or problems you may have on the site.

Natalia

Just thought some of you might find it interesting.

Do you ever wonder how people get to your site? I know some of it is from blogrings or connecting to me from someone else that I’m connected to on xanga. Lately, I’ve been paying attention to the “footprints” section of my site. I’m amazed by the places that people come from and the things they look at.  (Some are rather old entries.) Today it was Australia and Germany. Frequently, I have been getting someone (?) from Kentucky. These people are guests or don’t have xanga id’s.

Hello to all of you!

Thanks for stopping by!

I hope you found it beneficial and encouraging!