December 21, 2007

  • What Would You Do?

    Things have been very hectic. I find myself lost in the whirlwind of the business of the season, being really tired, and trying to cope emotionally. Actually, I don't want to make it sound like I am doing really poorly emotionally. I'm working hard at not going to those dark emotional places, but I can just see them in my peripheral vision even as I try to focus on Jesus.

    A lot of it is just loneliness. I know that. I know it is normal for me to feel some of that at this time of year. I'm single and I'm not close to family. I have some wonderful friends, but there is still the ache to have people who "belong" to you.

    Here is my dilemma. I've been helping with the power point for Sunday services for over a year now. Typically, it is 1-2 times a month. In August, Becky asked me to take over putting the schedule together and all that. It's not particularly hard, but I didn't really think through the responsibility end of it. For example, last Sunday when there was a glitch, everyone looked at me to find the answer.

    I probably should have thought about it, but I didn't think about Christmas Eve when making out the schedule. I've realized it and e-mailed to ask if someone could do it. So far, no luck. I even e-mailed, Josh, the worship team leader to see if he knew of someone who isn't on the team who would be willing to do it for the evening. I haven't heard back from him yet.

    Doing power point in and of itself is not hard. What I have found hard the last year is that it means sitting alone (well, technically with the sound guy) in the box above everyone. It makes me feel lonely. It truly is an act of service -- one that no one notices until there is a problem! I can handle it occasionally, but I am very wary of trying to handle it on Christmas Eve -- particularly since the holidays are generally a low mood time of year for me anyway.

    It boils down to this: I don't want to sit alone in that box for Christmas Eve service and then go home and be alone again. It is too much aloneness.

    Am I being selfish? Maybe. Someone has to sit up there . . . but then everyone else on the team is part of a couple or family and they have someone to be with later that night and Christmas morning.

    I'll probably end up doing it as no one is readily volunteering. Would you pray that I have a good heart about it? Pray that I can see it as a gift I am giving to the church and Jesus rather than something being taken away from me.

    christmas-gift

Comments (6)

  • I just prayed for you.

  • I prayed for you too. I can see why that would be hard.

  • Amy, thanks for sharing.  I know it must be hard to bare your struggles, even in this somewhat anonymous forum.  Your situation really makes me think about those who are lonely this time of year.  I'm sorry for your loneliness.  I can totally understand how being up in a booth while everyone is mingling in the sanctuary would underline your isolation.  Man... wish you could hang with our family over the holidays.  We'd love to have you.  I know that isn't what you're after, but I wish we could take a little of the edge off your feeling of being alone.

    At least I can pray.

  • What a difficult one.  But, you have the right attitude, but it's going to be difficult to focus on that.  Is it possible to find a special friend that understands your situation to sit with you in the booth?  Maybe someone that wasn't planning to go to a Christmas eve service?  How about others that don't have plans after the service.  I know that it seems like EVERYONE has plans on Christmas eve, but there are others that don't.

    God will have a place for you, there is a plan.  I will pray you find peace in what you are lead to do.

    When I was attending church alone I felt as though I was SO alone and there needed to be something for others (if there were any) like me.  Now that my husband finally attends, I see so many that were like me, I was just blinded by my own insecurities.  (((HUGS)))

  • yes, I prayed too. Hope it helps

  • Hi,

    Thank you for leaving the tip on my site! I have definitely been using that. :)

    I love to sing and I sing a lot of solos at my church. I have grown to be so appreciative of the people that do PowerPoint and sound. You all are really just as important as we are to making it a success. I really do wish everyone saw the people that work "behind-the-scenes" and were more grateful. So, on behalf of all those people, I just want to say thank you for what you do. And I will be praying for you. I also completely agree with what ideaguy said.

    In Christ,

    ~Elizabeth

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