January 23, 2008

• Do Not Stop On Tracks -- Hope Chronicles 12

  Do Not Stop On Tracks. I pass this sign on a daily basis. The tracks run between a tiny section of Linden Street between a set of stop lights a block or two apart. Much to my chagrin, there are trains that actually use this track when I am in a hurry to get somewhere. But please, who would be silly enough to stop on these tracks?
  
  There is a sign, so it must have happened at some time or another some where. And it's such a short piece, if you don't judge it right with the lights, it might be easy to get hemmed in. And then, I can imagine the red and white poles going down and the lights flashing -- and the training coming. Recipe for a disaster!
  
  Still, it seems to be human nature to ignore these kinds of signs. And children who live near train tracks, have to be told over and over, not to play on the tracks. Sometimes, it seems, that we flirt with danger.
  
  I'm fairly law abiding. (I've never gotten a speeding ticket!) So, stopping on these tracks isn't really an issue. But, I found God asking me in the last couple of days, "So, what tracks do you stop on?" Me? Law abiding, Amy?
  
  I recently have become acquainted with a woman, Kathy, who is new to my church. A friend had dinner with her and then told me I had to meet her because we process the entire issue of singleness in the same way. My interest peaked. However, we just got introduced 2 weeks ago and didn't have time for more than a "Hello." Then she had surgery. My friend was trying to find meals for her and I volunteered to make something, but I didn't stay when I dropped it off because she had really just gotten out of the hospital.
  
  Monday night I made my famous chocolate chip cookies to take in for a food day today at work. (Click here for the recipe and my "secret" way of making them). I always make plenty to share, so I decided to drop some cookies off to Kathy. After all, chocolate chip cookies have medicinal purposes after something like surgery.
  
  When I stopped in, two of Kathy's nieces were there visiting. They were just settling in to watch a movie together, so the cookies couldn't have had better timing. I was there for minutes, but I felt my heart sink as I left. I stopped on the tracks.
  
  I have always wanted children. Barring that for the moment, I have always had this fantasy of "aunt-dom." I don't know where it came from. My mom was the youngest of 17 (7 half siblings and 10 full siblings), so I had a plethora of aunts and uncles. (Though, I would be hard pressed to name them all!) With that many siblings, that meant that there were a tons nieces and nephews. So, maybe it is hard to be super aunt to so many. So, I never had much significant contact with my aunts and uncles.
  
  Still, in "aunt-dom" I imagined being the perfect aunt. I would go to soccer games and basketball games, plays and parties, taking my nieces and nephews to McDonalds, let them stay up late, raptly listen to their stories, and be an all-around-cool kind of aunt. It hasn't worked out that way. We live to far apart and their are certain family dynamics that have made it an impossible dream. But still, I dream of it.
  
  Walking in on Kathy and her nieces was like walking in on part of that dream. There was an easiness about it. One niece was helping with something. Kathy teased the younger of the two about what her present for her upcoming birthday might be. My heart lept-- I want a day like this with my nieces and nephews!
  
  My heart fell because I was instantly seized with jealousy. And then, I dawdled along those tracks for the rest of the day and evening. I went to a class run by a Christian group in town. I had never really been before. It's running for 6 weeks. I got there early and found a seat. But that jealousy thing crept in. Was I the only one sitting alone?
  
  I prayed about it this morning. God brought to mind this sign. He also brought to mind a friend's comment the other day. Jill was with me when I dropped off my meal to Kathy. We talked briefly and somehow it came up that I often spend time with Jill's children. Jill said something to the affect of not having family in town and me being an "adopted aunt" to them. God reminded me of the tough spring I had. When I was feeling a bit better, I had Austin and Kolya over. One of them said, "It's been 2 months since since we spent the night!" I was astonished they had been keeping track. There couldn't have been a sweeter compliment.
  
  
  How do we get off those tracks when the bars have come down and the lights are flashing? Philippians 4:8 has some good advice. "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." (NIV)
  
  
  So I'm counting my blessings. My biological nieces and nephews might be far away, but God has granted me several other kids to invest in -- to go to track meets, play games, indulge in little ways, cheer on during basketball, and hopefully help mold in positive ways. And He nudged me about the class I went to as well. Did I have to sit alone or did I choose to sit alone? (Ouch.) Perhaps, next week I need to approach someone and introduce myself . . . . Perhaps I'll meet a kindred spirit or a future friend.
  
  (Here's a picture of 3 of 8 blessings I was crazy enough to take ice skating for my birthday in December! It was my most memorable birthday.)
  
  We all have to cross the tracks at time. That is a given. Just don't stop on the tracks. It is a sure way to lose sight of hope.

  • 3:54 pm
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