There are tragedies all around. If you look at the paper or watch the news, it’s right there. When I was in high school there was a song out called, “A Little Good News” by Anne Murray. It pursued the idea that one day there could be a newspaper come out that only had good news in it. Wow. What would that be like?


It’s a nice thought, but it’s not reality. On Thursday, there was a school shooting at Northern Illinois University. The gunman, a student at the University of Illinois, drove to Dekalb and opened fire on a geology class. He killed 4 before killing himself. MSN’s home page daily announces to me various tragedies. In August it was the end to the search for the miners and a hot air balloon tragedy that killed two. Then there is also the war in Iraq. Forty-nine died in wildfires in Greece. And then there are the tragedies that I have experienced or the ones people I know have gone through. Kate had an operation because there was an infection in a bone. She has a degenerative foot and leg condition that will only get worse over time. She also has diabetes. She is healing from the surgery, but now they are telling her they think that the bone infection is still there. Another friend lost her husband of 50 years to cancer. Bill died at 41 from an aortic aneurysm. What is God’s answer to all of this? Is he silent?


I don’t believe He is! In fact, even though life still brings us tragedies, God has already responded. In Faith on the Edge: Daring to Follow Jesus written by several InterVarsity Christian Fellowship staff, Robbie Castleman writes the following (p. 188):


God may not have intervened, may not have stepped in to undo what broke our hearts . . . . We may not understand why God intervened for Peter and not for James. Why some and not all? Why then and not now? All that disciples know is a point in history that gives us hope in tragedy, a point of divine intervention that spans all time: God raised Jesus from the dead.


God has intervened. Life is hard and we struggle, but God has already intervened. Some day we will be with him in heaven and there will be no more pain and suffering. Until then, we rest on the fact that HE HAS ANSWERED all the questions we have in the midst of tragedy and he understands suffering intimately.



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As I write, I am considering making a trip to Northern Illinois University. I received an e-mail last night that stated that they are looking for 300 MA level volunteer counselors to be in classes over the next two weeks. I think I could pull off going for 2-3 full days. However, the e-mail was woefully devoid of the information I need to make those kind of plans.

Please pray that God would give me wisdom on this. I am acquainted with grief and sorrow and the sense of loss of safety. However, I don’t know that I’ve ever experienced anything quite like this. (The closest was several years ago when I worked in Clinton, IL and 3 kids were drowned in a lake. The counselors at my agency went to the hospital that night and then had daily conversations with our clients about the event.) I have the training they are asking for. I also have 11 years experience working with college students through InterVarsity Christian Fellowship.

But I need more information. I also need God, the greatest of counselors, to go before me if I go.

Because we need peace in the midst of these situations, here is a picture of one of my favorite places in the world — InterVarsity’s Cedar Campus in Michigan.

I’ve been doing Heart Beat’s Biggest Loser Challenge for the last 6 weeks. I can’t believe it, but I’m the biggest loser!  I really had no idea, figured it wouldn’t be me. A couple people lost an amazing 5-7lbs in the first week. I believe I lost about 3 so I figured that with that much of a jumpstart on me, there was no way . . . . And I haven’t had any loss over 3.4lbs and mostly it was a pound here and there, so imagine my surprise!

My goal is to get back down to a healthy weight. I want to look like my horse picture again! (That is my all time favorite of me.) Anyway, I think this winter I just got really frustrated with where I was at in terms of weight. I said there is a weight and I am never going over it, but I was pretty close and decided I needed to do something about it. I also got tired of feeling embarrassed everytime I ran into someone I hadn’t seen in a long time. Though they wouldn’t say it, in my mind I could hear the critic saying, “What happened to her?” Yes, it is probably more me than them. But I found myself ducking down isles I didn’t need to go down to avoid seeing people. I don’t want to be a ducker. And I also found myself hating to have my picture taken. My mom never wanted her picture taken. As a result, I think I have maybe two photos of her to remember her by. I guess I saw the challenge as a way of putting myself back in the picture.

I still have a long way to go to get where I want to be. I’m aiming for the middle of what the charts say my healthy range is. But, this makes it feel like it is accutally doable!

Thanks Christy and everyone for their support!

I am not a football fan. I’ve watched exactly one Super Bowl in my life. I don’t understand the rules. I can’t imagine who would come up with a game where the object seems to be to clobber the guy with the ball. (If the guy is already down, it seems that everyone dog piles on him for good measure.) If I played, I think I’d treat that ball like a hot potato and pass if off as quickly as I got it. (Of course, that is assuming that I had enough skill to catch the thing!)

I made it to one game when I was in high school. I can’t recall what possessed me to go. But, I’ll admit, I got caught up in the school euphoria when we beat the reigning champs and in a show of solidarity, I bought a “We beat Moeller” T-shirt. (I think passed on the “We beat Moeller again!” shirts the following year.)

I have watched a couple of football movies. In these, it seems it is enough to know from the reaction of the fans, coaches, and players, who won or lost. I can usually follow that. One movie that I watched for the first time a year ago and the second time last month is Facing the Giants.

Here’s the gist in a sentence: True story of losing high school team that takes on the state champions – aptly named “The Giants.” Of course, the real story is about how they get to the state championship.

One scene strikes me. The coach is talking to the players and one of the “leaders” is being rather cocky. The coach calls him out and challenges him to be a leader. He asks him how far he thinks he can do the “Dead Man” crawl. (Hands and feet carrying another player on his back.) The player announces he can go to the 30-yard line. The coach, of course, wants to see him do it but then decides to have him do it blind folded.

So, off they go. The coach cheering him on – “Give me all you’ve got!” The player eventually starts saying, “How far? Am I there yet? I can’t go any further.” The coach just keeps at him. “Don’t you stop on me. Give me all you’ve got!” When the coach finally lets him stop, he takes off the blind fold to discover that he is in the end zone and has done the Dead Man’s crawl down the entire field.

It’s a great picture of going – pushing – beyond our limits. Too often, we make a goal and say that we will give it all we’ve got. Maybe we make it to that goal, but what God knows it that we haven’t given it our all yet – there’s still more in us. He wants every last drop put into our relationship with him. He will not settle for half our efforts, half our hearts. He is a jealous God who wants our whole hearts.

Hope is letting go of what we think we can do in favor of doing what God knows we can do. If that isn’t enough, it is bringing others along with us. When they can’t walk anymore, we pick them up. When we can’t walk anymore, we do the dead man’s crawl all the way to the end zone. Hope is in the fact that Jesus – the ultimate coach – is with us every step, every excruciating inch, of the way.

Have you ever noticed that a candle in the light doesn’t mean much? That is to say, its impact isn’t felt. A candle in the dark — now that is another story. Its light draw’s our attention as it pushes back the darkness that surrounds it. Hope is always useful. But it is when the darkness is pressing in, that it is most useful.

But then, maybe those who have not learned to hope in the day cannot fathom it in the darkness? Perhaps, it is all the hopes that we see come to fruition in the light of day that make hope in the night possible.

I have always been fascinated by World War II history. I have wondered if I would have had the courage to hide my neighbors . . .. Would I risk my life for another?

Corrie ten Boom is the author of The Hiding Place. It is the story of her family during WWII and how they helped rescue Jews in Holland. In the course of hiding refugees, the family was found out. Corrie, Betsie (her sister), and their father were sent to concentration camps. Their father died within 10 days. Betsie also later died in the camp.

One conversation that Corrie writes about in the The Hiding Place stands out to me in particular. Somehow, Betsie and Corrie were able to smuggle a Bible into the camp when they were arrested. One night they are lying on the bunks being bitten by fleas. Corrie complains to Betsie about the fleas. Betsie tells Corrie that they must pray and thank God for the fleas. Her reasoning — the guards do not come into their barracks because of the fleas. As a result, they are able to have their Bible and even does a Bible study with the other women.

Hope, seeing God in even the “small things,” I think is what made Betsie able to thank God even for the fleas. She recognized that no detail was ever out of His hand. It was her life long history with God that enabled her to connect the dots to Him even in the midst of the horror of a camp.

So, how do we learn to hope in the day so that when we are in darkness we can hope again?

Recount God’s faithfulness to you. Sometimes, when things are hard it’s difficult to see all the ways He has been faithful. I did a little of that with recounting blessings in Friday’s post.

Tonight I was looking back even further. I grew up in a nominally Christian home. We generally went to church on Christmas and Easter and a few other times scattered among the year. As I look back, it is amazing to me that we just happened to go to church the Sunday they were giving the third grader’s Bibles. Honestly, I had never read any of the Bible or even looked at one. I don’t remember there being one in the house. But God knew that if He got a Bible into my hands I would read it. (Of course, it didn’t hurt that I had a little competition going with my twin as to who could read the whole thing first. So periodically, we would ask, “So where are you?” This would set about a flurry of reading.)

God also put me in a family that was very BIG on appearances. It was important to my parents that we belong to the church. In our denomination, we had to be confirmed. This happened in the 7th grad and necessitated being in church for a year for confirmation classes. My parents decided that they would take us and drop us off. I don’t remember being particularly thrilled the first week, but we soon discovered we liked it and were voluntarily going to youth group and choir as well! Within a year, I had made a personal decision for Christ.

When I reflect on all of this — the Bible Sunday and having to go to confirmation class — I see God’s hand at work. He was preparing my heart for the day I would meet Him years before it happened. So, when the darkness pushes in, I can recount the way He was faithful in bringing me to himself and all the ways He’s been faithful ever since.

How have you seen God’s faithfulness?

The last couple of days I have been fighting feeling very melancholy. Actually, I’m kind of proud of how I’ve done. While there have been a few tears, I’ve managed to keep moving and have a reasonably good attitude. But, it has been sheer will power. The melancholiness isn’t totally without reason. I’ve made a few hard decisions over the last few days and they are sinking in. But to combat that, I am going to make a list of things that make me smile and maybe leave a few pictures too. I don’t know yet. I’m making this up as I go.


However, I want you to participate too in “make Amy smile.” Leave me a comment about something that makes you smile. If it is a silly picture or something, tell me that and I’ll visit your site to see the picture.

• So, here we go, in no particular order:
  Mali and Katy (my cats) make me smile. Here they are on top of the refrigerator. There are no rules about being on the refrigerator. However, there are rules about being on the counters. Since, they are good, obedient kitties, I’m sure they just flew up there!
  
• Playing with the cats is fun too. Katy actually plays fetch and I’m teaching Mali tricks from a book I got.
  
• Speaking of the refrigerator, I notice that it has lots of pictures on it. They are of people I love. Though you can’t see it here, there are some picture my little friends have drawn for me too!

My church makes me smile. I’ve been going there for maybe 4 years now. It makes me smile to think how much I’ve changed in that time. Honestly, I was as skittish as a horse when I first started going. One Sunday, someone came up behind me to adjust the thermostat. They just about had to pry me off the ceiling. Now, I am much more relaxed and can engage people.

• Remembering the 3 years I spent living with a family while I was on staff with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship in Indiana. Jerry had jokingly suggested it once. Several months later, I brought it back up. We decided to try it for 6 months and then evaluate. I stayed until for 3 years — until I transferred to a different state. I paid minimal rent and helped out with the kids. I cooked once or twice a week to give Dana a break. If I was home, I would clean up when she cooked. I had my own space in the basement. Jerry always said it was particularly great at meals because the kids didn’t out number the adults. We each took care of one child (Hannah, Elizabeth, and Jonathan) — cutting up food and what not.
  
• Remembering God’s provision while I was on staff. You have to raise all of your own support (health insurance, salary, office supplies, you name it and we raised it). On average, lets say I raised $30,000 a year and I was on staff 11 years . . . . That is a staggering amount of money to raise. God sold a lot of cattle for me!
• Remembering that God loves me as I am but still expects me to grow.
• Helping make Elizabeth a birthday cake that you cut pieces out and then assemble into a butterfly. She was 4 and wanted a butterfly birthday. It was chocolate cake with yellow frosting and pastel M&M’s.
• Thinking about Billy makes me smile. Billy was a child I volunteered with for 5 years. He lived in a residential facility in town and I spent 2-3 hours a week with him. I wasn’t sure when they assigned me a boy. I was more familiar with little girl stuff, but Billy and I hit it off. He was labeled “behaviorally/emotionally disturbed.” In the 5 years, I only ever had to take him back early for misbehavior twice. I think because I did that, he knew what to expect and if I gave him a warning I followed through! The staff thought I was crazy the first time I announced I was going to teach him to make cookies from scratch. At 8, he had never baked. But he loved it and really enjoyed taking the treats back to the kids on his unit. I think it gave him a sense of importance.
  
  
• Billy tried to teach me to rollerblade! I never got the hang of it.
  
• Thinking about my paternal grandmother makes me smile. She always believed in me. I was a really shy and quiet child — except with her. She brought me out of myself more than anyone I can remember. She listened raptly to all the details in my 10-year-old heart.
  
  
• Being around friends.
  
• Knowing that God will never leave me or forsake me.
  
• Horses and riding. Though I haven’t done it in a year due to and injury and then the expense. It just isn’t an option at the moment.
  
• Surprising people. Once, my friend was out of town. I got together with another friend and we left a casserole and a dessert in her house for when she and her family got home from their trip. She was thrilled. She had just been wondering what she was going to feed 6 hungry kids and came home to find it already made. I love doing stuff like that.
  
• Kid of all shapes and sizes. This is Addy. She is such a shy and retiring child! I wish I had about half her spunk.

Please let me know what makes you smile!

A little elf of a five-year-old came up to the counter tonight as I was cashiering at the bookstore. I love kids. I love talking to them and can often readily converse on some of their favorite things. Since it is Feb., things have slowed down. There is more of a chance to have a brief conversation than there was with the franticness of serving customers during the Christmas season.

I appropriately “ahhed” over the Dora the Explorer book and the princess book she came up with and asked how old she was . . . .

I must have put her at ease because she decided that she could ask me questions as well. “Where’s your mommy?”

“Well, I don’t have a mommy anymore.” I could see the wheels in her head turning.

“Where are your kids?”

A bit of a gulp on my part. “I don’t have any kids — yet.”

“Where’s the other people?” she persisted.

“The other people?”

“You gotta live with people.”

I checked for more customers, but there was no one in line. “No, I don’t live with anyone. I’m a grownup and sometimes grownups live by themselves.” This was obviously a new concept.

“You don’t got nobody?”

Well, I didn’t know how deep this conversation was going to go. Her mother was writing a check and didn’t seem inclined to save me, so I decided to go with diversion. “Would you like a sticker?” She started to ask another question and I said, “How about another?”

I have spent a lot of time with children and had more than my share (considering I don’t have kids) of the awkward questions ranging from manners, to bodily functions, to death, and even dating and sex. I try to be a safe person and answer as simply and straightforward as I can (and fill in the parents or caregivers regarding my answers . . . .) But I recognized this innocent conversation as one that has the potential to really trip me up. It hits me in the areas I experience the most longing in: day to day connection, family, and marriage and kids.

The little girl’s perspective makes total sense to me. She lives in a world where mom and dad are the world. Children are typically egocentric (the world revolves around me). Actually, adults are egocentric too, but we have learned to mask it better! Her life is one of being a daughter (hence the mother question). The closest people to her are parents; thus, I got the children question. My guess is that she also has brothers or sisters, so how could anyone live alone?

Though I am an adult, I think I also define myself in terms of relationships. So, in the absence of the most key relationships (a rocky family of origin, the death of my mother, no husband, no kids) I can sometimes find myself floundering. Who am I in a world that defines us in relation to another or to a role?

Since it was slow tonight, I had a chance to ponder this. Yes, those relationships are ones that are key in the lives of many, possibly most, people. But the more than being key, being crucial, is my relationship to Jesus. It is He who loves me now and through eternity. It is God who is a father to the fatherless and the defender of widows (and singles) and orphans. It is Jesus who is ultimately my bridegroom. In each of these things and the daily blessings of friends and a half dozen kids I can love on and give back to their parents when they are tired or cranky, there is hope. My hope is in Jesus.

CS Lewis writes the following in Mere Christianity:

“If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that other country and help others do the same.”

The things I too often look to, a husband and kids and all of that, cannot satisfy my deepest longing. CS Lewis is right in that. While these things might be blessings and things I desire, they are not the be all-end all. No, that would be Jesus. The beginning and the end. I have hope because of who I am in relation to Jesus.

Hey all.

Just thought I would let you know that my friend, Jill Savage, is sponsoring a Valentine’s Day contest. It’s particularly for married people, but she is a dear friend and I love her so I thought I would advertise for her here! She is the founder of Hearts at Home and has written numerous books from mothering (including one on that hard age group of teens) and marriage.



So, click the banner at the right and go to her site and enter her contest. It will be fun!

And aren’t you impressed I can do the whole button thing. I learned how at Lysa’s blog (www.lysaterkeurst.blogspot.com) last week. So, I guess I’m kind of showing off my new found knowledge!

Enjoy. I hope someone I know wins! Let me know if you do! You can tell her Amy sent you, but I think she is just pulling names, so that probably won’t swing anything in your favor.