March 9, 2008

  • A Child's Faith, A Mother's Heart, and Daring to Hope -- Hope Chronicles 23

    Several years ago Julie was driving back to visit her family with her children. The oldest was in the third grade. She pulled out a yellow legal pad and announced that they were going to make a list. This got Julie's attention. After all, it was spring and Christmas was many months away. Julie inquired as to what the list was for. Her daughter announced that it was a list of things they wanted in a husband for their mom. (Sorry, Oprah, this little one was way ahead of you on love lists!)

    Her younger daughter started off with things like money and a nice car. With all the wisdom of a third grader, her older daughter said, "No, he first has to be a Christian." And then, after getting the younger girl more focused, they moved on from there.

    Recently, Julie's girls (now both teenagers and the older one a year away from college) were cleaning out their memory boxes. Her oldest found the list that Julie had stowed there. "Mom," she said, "he has all these things." You see, Julie remarried a few years ago after dating her husband for five years! He was patient enough to wait around for her to be ready.

    I got teary as Julie related the story. She rushed to say, "I didn't tell you that to make you cry!" I know she didn't but I didn't know if I dared to hope. Sometimes it feels easier not to hope than to have a hope and not see it fulfilled.

    What are the things you hope for but can't see yet?

    This week a friend looped me in on some communication she was having with another single woman. This is a portion of the email she sent:

    "I want to encourage you that you can still be a mother in a non-traditional way. My friend, Amy, is 39 years old and never married. She, too, sometimes gets down about her desire to marry and have children. But I want you to know that she has so connected in my kids lives that she often mothers them. She takes them for fun outings. She watches them so my husband and I can have time. She has had some deep conversations with them when they've asked deep questions."

    I was touched by my friend's words. "She has so connected in my kids lives that she often mothers them." In my separate conversation with Julie, I asked, "So why did God give me a mother's heart and empty arms?" Julie suggested that maybe it is just a "not yet" and that I needed to keep myself open. To think that it is a lost cause closes off my heart to possibilities. She wanted me to make a list.

    I know some of you reading are not single. But I hope you can still relate. What is it that you so hope for that it scares you because what would happen if that dream didn't come true?

    It is hard to hope and not see how that hope might be fulfilled. Sometimes people try to make you feel better and say, "God has a better plan for you." They mean well, but sometimes it can make it feel harder. I do know that God doesn't take that longing, that hope (whatever it is in your life) lightly. Scripture recognizes the weight of it. In Proverbs 13:12 (NIV) it says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

    It's okay to have that longing -- whatever it might be for you. It's okay to sometimes feel down about it. But be careful. Don't make it into an idol. (An idol is anything that takes center stage instead of God.)

    So, some of that is okay. BUT, God also calls us to turn our eyes to Him. I'll only quote part of Psalm 42 here (8-11), but I encourage you to look at the whole thing:

    By day the LORD directs his love,

    at night his song is with me—

    a prayer to the God of my life.

    I say to God my Rock,

    "Why have you forgotten me?

    Why must I go about mourning,

    oppressed by the enemy?"

    My bones suffer mortal agony

    as my foes taunt me,

    saying to me all day long,

    "Where is your God?"

    Why are you downcast, O my soul?

    Why so disturbed within me?

    Put your hope in God,

    for I will yet praise him,

    my Savior and my God.


    Even when my dreams feel far away, I am called to put my hope in God -- to praise my God and Rock. So, I thought about all the kids I've "mothered" over the years: Elizabeth, Hannah, Jonathan, David, Billy, Theresa, . . . and I could come up with quite a list if I really looked back and took stock. In that perspective, my arms have been but empty!

    Julie also reminded me of Sarah in the Bible who went to great lengths to have a child and really made things worse than if she had just waited on God. I'm like her in wanting to just make whatever happen. And Julie said, "Don't be like Sarah. Don't laugh at God." (Genesis 18:12-16).

    So, I'm daring to hope. And though it feels risky, I started that list. Meanwhile, I will not waste the mother instincts God has given me.

    What will you dare to hope for? What will you do while you are waiting and trusting and praising God for whatever may come?

Comments (3)

  • I suppose what I'm hoping for is that I could have a children's chapter book published.  But I'll tell you truthfully, I've had that hope in years past rise up inside me to be a hunger that eats from the inside out.  I think that a sign that a hope has become an unhealthy hunger is that I can't rejoice when someone else receives the thing that I'm hoping for.  Envy follows close behind that kind of hunger, and behind envy is bitterness.

    The difficulty is that when you are hoping for something that is essentially a good thing -- like having one's work gain an audience or having kids of one's own -- it's hard to strike that balance between reaching for it and not trying to grasp for it.  It's easier just to not reach.  But reaching and still allowing God to deny it to us -- for whatever reason he has, explained or unexplained -- is really tough.  Truly wanting something, and hoping for it, but allowing God to keep it from us if He so chooses is the narrow path that seems impossible, but has a tremendous freedom.  We can hope without having our hungers control our happiness.

    I don't know if I've found that path.  We'll see how I do if this book I'm working on gets rejected again, in its third incarnation.  Right now, I think I'm just hoping and not hungering.  But the longer I work on it, the closer I get to the latter.

    Good, thoughtful, honest post.

  • I have read Psalm 42 many times over the years, its so beautiful. I was thinking about you the other day, and I thought about how many children you have mothered over the years, yes indeed your arms have not been empty. Not only Sarah taking matters into her own hands, but Rachel did the same thing with her maidservant, then of  course, Leah did the same thing too. Both of them wanted what they didn't have. Leah wanted Jacobs true love, Rachel had Jacobs devoted love, but no children. I find it so wonderful that God knows what we NEED. He opened Leahs womb because he saw she was unloved, and closed Rachels because she had love. Of course, as you know Rachel did bear 2 children to Jacob, but I find it interesting that she said,"If I don't have any children I will die", and she did die in childbirth with Benjamin. It always painful to not have what others have, but God does supply your every need. Also Hannah had a closed womb, and her husbands other wife would taunt her, but God opened her womb, and she dedicated Samuel to Gods service.  I am praying for you, and enjoy your chronicles, sorry for such a lengthly reply.

  • wonderful post as usual !!!!!!

    mmmm good question! i'll have to think about that!

    Have a wonderful Monday

    HUGS

    Jeanette

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